april 23rd, september 19th and all the dates in between.

well, its hard to believe a whole year’s gone by. i still remember that entire day like it was less than a week ago. the look on dom’s face, and that feeling in the bathroom when i was so angry with him and couldn’t catch my breath.
when mr. wright walked into french it felt almost surreal. and when he said my name i was almost sure this was some dream. or nightmare, rather. i didn’t believe it. i cringe remembering when he made me call my mom and tell her, myself, that i’d been arrested. i don’t think she could even understand me.
i remember sitting outside of the room that dom was in, and his blank expression astounded me. i was shaking, my make up running down my face. i was a wreck. then again, i wasn’t high. he was the one who took the pills, he probably doesn’t even recall half the shit that happened that day. but i was stone cold sober and terrified.
i think the part that amazes me the most was that… i wasn’t mad at him. in the morning, yeah. his cloudy eyes killed me. but when the charges were being pressed, all i wanted to do was protect him. that was all that mattered. his mom called me his “ride or die chick.” one of the hardest parts that day was not being able to see him, i just wanted to make sure that he was okay. and no matter how shitty all of the events that took place were, once he took his sister’s phone that night to talk to me.. everything was alright.
that day affected the next few months so drastically. all of the rumors that he and i had to come back to, the suspension where we’d only be able to talk at night. the court dates that i dreaded. my eyes filling with tears as they found us guilty, and my wanting nothing more than to hug dom. which i did after, for at least five minutes.
its not fair that i have to look back on today with so much anger and regret. the worst part is knowing that everything i did was for absolutely fucking nothing. i haven’t spoken to dom in god knows how long.
i can’t so easily clear this bitter taste out of my mouth. everything happens for a reason, i have no doubts that i’ll be fine. its just that on days like this, we ignore each other, like the other doesn’t exist. but deep down i can’t help but feel like it wasn’t supposed to end like this.

"The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost."

(Source: quote-book, via ch1ckpea)

threepac:

you say “excuse me please”, I say “out of my way peasant”

(via flappingbuttcheeks)